So sad Adetutu Adedotun chose the wrong way to die by Omoruyi Uwuigiaren

Smart people don't die for love. 

After considerable sacrifice, 

if things do not improve, they move on.

 

Love and relationship that works

When Tupac Shakur released his popular track, “Unconditional Love”, I guess he didn't envisage that a time will come when humanity will need to look at issues from a comprehensive perspective. Ditch the old conventional way, set new rules and play the cards from a significantly higher table for balance and precision. Love is memorable and refreshing. But it carries its own responsibility. Sometimes, it steals your time, money and resources. You are expected to give. That is one major reason why you are in any relationship. No one person can make any association to flourish. It takes two or more people to be on the same page. When people have given so much to any relationship that is when they tend to become apprehensive. They don’t want their sacrificed to go down the drain. They want to see results. They want to see significant improvement in the behavior of their partner. If they don’t succeed, they start dying. That is why you should always give yourself attention. If the relationship is taking its toll on you, give yourself a break. See a psychologist. Get the necessary help to bounce back. The weight you bear while loving someone could sink a ship! 

Build your relationship around ethics

At any rate, you don't place affection at the center of everything. It is dangerous to build any relationship around it. Because people change and you cannot completely control how they will react to you all the time, you must prepare and build boundaries. Work on yourself. Be psychologically balanced to face uncertainties. Love and relationship are areas in our lives that require constant sacrifice even in the face of uncertainties. You cannot rule out giving. You cannot reject commitment and expect things to stay the same. Correlation is broad. You can hardly put a figure on what individuals bring to the table. The persons that once loved you could turn their back on you. So you need to know when to draw the line. Set the boundaries. Know when to pull the plug. You should easily sense danger. That is why you should always consider your well-being first. Put your interest at the heart of everything. If need be, place your concern on the negotiation table. Let everyone see what you want, what your goals are and what you stand for.

There is no such thing as unconditional love
 

Your mental health is your life. We live and succeed by certain rules we follow. This high level of organization is what is needed to keep you afloat. In your darkest hour, you should remember that your body functions properly when you feed it with the right meal. To maintain great body this condition, you must keep an eye on a strict diet. If you don’t do this you are going to have health challenges. Meaning the key to survival is to lead a healthy lifestyle. So there is no such thing as unconditional love. It’s a weak perception to carry yourself about thinking your loved ones cannot hurt you. People who have this mindset are easily dazed. In most cases, they take rash decision because they are in a hurry to get out of a problem. Not minding the outcome of their choice. Adetutu Adedotun plunged herself into the Lagos Lagoon because she allowed her emotion to get the better of her. She forgot that by taking her life, she was going to hurt thousands of people that believed in her. Sadly, the people will heal and move on. But she can never reclaim her place in this beautiful earth again. We may not let her go in our hearts for as long as we want. Can we say the same of her that she will not let us go in her heart? Nobody is worth dying for.

Don’t be stuck in one place

 If your partner is making too many demands and brings little or nothing to the table, there is no way that will change when you decide to marry. In most cases, such people tend to wear you out. You should know you are possibly going to be stuck with that attitude for as long as you can bear. If the relationship is not working at the moment, it is likely going to be problematic in the future. Be open to new things. Don't be stuck with a person that offers nothing. That is liability that will leave you vulnerable. You are possibly going to foot all the bills and shoulder all the responsibilities. This is not good enough. There must be something he or she is giving in exchange for your time and resources. You can never find complete happiness when you are everything to everybody. It will drain you. In the long run affect your mental health.

 

Self-esteem is for everyone

The lady that plunged herself into the lagoon didn't deserve to die. She was leading people but could not lead herself. She must have dropped so low to fit into a system. And when you do that, you are looking for trouble. She was the one that needed affection. Probably, she wasn’t getting enough from her partner. She wanted all the attention. It was her right. As a woman of substance, she should ordinarily get whatever she wants. But in the real world, it is hardly so. Not everything is written in gold. At some point, you will need to create your own happiness. It may never come cheap. You take it by force. You are permitted to create your own world if everyone is against you. I don’t know how much she contributed to the relationship. In most cases, you cannot get everything you hope in one partner. So she should have lowered her expectations. At her level, an instructor with the DSS, she was supposed to be everything you need in a decent woman. Sadly, she lacked the most important of them all—self-esteem. She didn't love herself enough. She didn’t place herself above everything. She never had shock absorber. When people focus on what is not necessary, they easily miss the big picture. She was supposed to be the center of the universe. She didn't believe in who she was. She didn't see herself as a top performer. She saw herself as someone without hope and aspiration. She was defeated. At heart, she was fragile. She was too weak to carry her future on her shoulders. The lady was struggling. She was being devoured from the inside. She was vague and didn't know her true worth.

 

In order to live above the waters, you must develop thick skin

Basic education does not end in the classroom. Government should borrow idea from the street to further develop the national curriculum to solve the problem of having graduates who don’t understand that life is no bed of roses. On the street, people are forged from furnace and are made to taste life at its finest. Some billionaires went through this school where they are exposed to many things that leave them tough and ready for the real world. Parents should endeavor to educate their children about the street. Let them know that academic qualification alone is not a guarantee for success. Young people should build themselves to withstand shock and unpleasant situations. In order to live above the waters, you must develop thick skin. In real life, you will sometimes be tested beyond your limit.

 

About the author

Omoruyi Uwuigiaren is a former cartoonist turned writer. When he was a kid, he loved music and composed songs for his high school band. After school, he wanted to pursue a career in music. Instead he embraced writing and studied Mass Communications. His literary works and books have appeared in Moronic Ox Literary and Cultural Journal, Qwenu, Open Books, Urban News Express Online, Academy of the Heart and Mind and many more. He’s the editor of Ruyi’s World of Books and Stories. 

 

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