Written by
Omoruyi Uwuigiaren
In
this age and time, there are things you shouldn’t expect to remain the same.
One of them is your approach to marriage. Take note of every change in your
partner. Failure to do so might leave your marriage gasping for breath. As the
goal post shifts, bring new things to the table. Or set new rules to play. Know
where the goalpost is at all times. Your ability to keep track of your
partner and be on the same page is what makes you a great team player. Marriage
is not a competition between two people. It is cooperation between them.
In this digital age, some rules are not only
obsolete, they are no longer practicable. So, to survive in any relationship,
you need to set rules to guide you and your partner. The rules that you set
must evolve. You must create room for improvement. You must never be afraid to
start all over again. So, put yourself in a situation where you can easily
change things without rocking the boat. Whether it is a short-term or long-term
relationship, look out for your interest and security. You are in a relationship.
You are not on the battlefield. Even soldiers on the battlefield look after
themselves, too. The soldier wears helmet, bulletproof, boots and bear firearm
to look after himself. If he does not go about with the aforementioned, he will
be vulnerable. He will be killed. If you do not protect yourself and set
boundaries, any relationship can drain you. Once you are at the receiving end,
you are approaching your end.
Your interest and security is what will make the
relationship worthwhile. They are things that every sensible person must look
out for in a marriage or relationship. Failure to look after yourself or set
rules that give you an advantage or fair standing may lead to turbulence and
regret. There are no shortcuts to a better life. The roads are often bumpy,
deplorable and tough. Because tough times don’t last, you need to know that
things sometimes look scarier than they really are. So, bend any circumstance
to your favour. Making a relationship work is expensive. It takes so much for
two adults to live together in a house as married couples for years. To achieve
this, you must bring your best to the house. A healthy relationship will never
come cheap. It takes a lot to be at the top of Mount Everest. So don’t go into
any relationship unprepared. Give it your best shot. Yes, marriage is an
achievement! You deserve an award if you can make it work. You cannot argue
that living with a particular person for 10-60 years without divorce is
easy.
In the past, a lover could reach a distant partner
through letters sent by post. Postal services were not perfect. In most cases,
the sender may wait forever for a reply. At one time, replies were luxury and
may never come. If they do, it could take weeks, months or even years to get to
the recipient. An unfortunate lover may have his or her letters lost in
transit. Many relationships hit the rocks due to lack of communication. You
can’t blame people who choose to move on from a partner that they sense is no
longer interested in them. Rather than wait, some settled for less. They moved
on with people they could see without needing to write letters that may never
reach their intended target.
Communication is important in any relationship.
Communication builds confidence. You cannot build any lasting relationship
without sacrificing your time and making yourself available.
There are several factors that determine how fast a
lover can communicate with their partner. They are:
TIME: With peace comes responsibility. Irrespective of
the place and distance, making out time is always essential. You are going to
have free periods to write letters and catch up with loved ones. Some people
that have tight schedules or no time to socialize, always miss out. Some
relationships that mere phone calls and texting would have sustained slipped.
Very busy people miss out on great relationships because of the nature of their
job. They were too busy to keep the line of communication open. Relationships
that you do not spend time nurturing will die a natural death.
FINANCE: It’s quite expensive to be a decent lover. It’s
even worse when you are in a distant relationship. You have no choice but to
write often to your lover to build trust and hope. There was a time when letter
writing is all you have to keep the love alive. In reality, the piece of paper
is the only image of the fellow that goes with you everywhere. So, a partner
that is not buoyant may find it difficult to send letters to the lover. The
writing was never for everyone. People, who could not keep up with this, looked
elsewhere for love. Love is expensive. There is no shortcut to nurturing love.
You must go through the long, hard road. Writing letters was expensive. Keeping
the communication line open, only shows how committed you are to the
relationship.
MOBILITY: Having your own car or taking the public bus is the
best way to reach a post office that is far. Those who could not commute grew
disillusioned. They found catching up with people who are far away hard. They
had to let go. The harder it is to get the basic necessities of life, the
harder it is to meet your needs and those of your loved ones. In a
relationship, it is not a question of love. It is a question of ability. Your
lover should tick all the boxes.
Today, technology has wiped out most of these
challenges. With the Android phone, you can reach out to anyone from anywhere
in the world. So, it is easy to gauge a lover who is unresponsive by checking
how many times they reply to your calls and emails. So, in a relationship, it
is not a question of love. It is a question of ability. You should be able to
fix many things for your lover or loved ones. Once you are not measuring up, it
is a clear sign that you are set up to fail.
Nowadays, you don’t have to be a million to express
love and set rules that will enhance your relationship. All you need to do is
understand the trend, the mood and fix the things you want. Marriage and
relationships are on the autobahn. The right amount of energy is all you need
to have everything in place.
Today, lovers hardly send letters by Snail Mail or
Postal service. It is not only slow; it costs more to do so. Also, you may not
be able to say much about a letter that could take days or weeks to deliver.
But with the advent of the internet, things have changed. Things are a lot
faster now. With the help of the telephone and social media, you can send
messages to your loved ones in an instant. And you can say a lot! This is how
advancement has affected the way we relate with people whether they are our
partners or not. With the click of a finger, you have sent a message. So,
the chances that marriage will survive are getting slimmer by the day. The
reason is simple. Many people still approach marriage with the same mindset as some centuries ago in this age and time. It cannot work.
Bring your A-game to the table. Be
dynamic. Set your rules and live by them. If the rules are not working, set new
ones. Because things are changing fast, you are likely not going to survive on
the same set of old rules. You will never look genuine. You will be behind. Recreate
yourself. With the massive progression at the turn of the
century; not being dynamic is a crime. Be ever ready to learn new things. Your
marriage is not a concentration camp where everything should be stagnant. Flow
with the trend. Bring something new to the house. Get everyone excited again.
You don’t have to be wealthy to be innovative. Reinvent yourself.
Apart from people looking for where to survive. More
people are looking for where they can be secure. Guarantee security. Be the
hope that people are looking for. Be the light. Be the direction. Be the dream
man. Be the dream woman. You cannot be attractive if you are not working on
yourself. Under no condition should you operate on rules that are obsolete. If
you are going to love, set your rules. And get everyone in your team to play by
the rules. It is the safest thing to do.
If you have done the right thing, you won’t be at a
loss when your partner files for divorce. You will know what you should expect.
And what you shouldn’t be asking for. This is how to guarantee your future and
be in control. Get the details. Know what you are getting into. Set your rules.
There is no possibility that you are going to live out the rest of your life
with your partner. So, prepare for the exit from day one. And enjoy the
relationship while it lasts.
Gone are the days when you approach a relationship
without a goal, direction and plan. If you fail to plan and prepare, you will
end up on the wrong side of things.
Marriage is a combination of many things. Which include
love, trust, financial capability and sound health. If you narrow it down to
only money and sex, you are not far from reality, too. If a relationship is
devoid of sex and money, how will that relationship survive? A lot of couples
are shocked in their first few months together. Why? They didn’t plan before
they walked into the trap. Yes, it is a trap because any wrong union will drain
you mentally and otherwise. Some things that they didn’t expect to happen, rear
up their ugly heads. They start planning their exit from the marriage. That is
exactly how to set up yourself to fail.
What do you think will happen if a relationship is
not set up on a solid foundation? The solid foundation is not how religious you
are or how beautiful you are. A solid foundation is knowing the strength
and weaknesses of your partner. And your partner knows
your strengths and weaknesses, too. It gives you an idea of what to expect in
the short term or in the long run in your relationship.
Be dynamic. Set the new rules and live by them. If
they are not working, set new ones. Never get tired of recreating your
relationship. It is your life. Create your own happiness. If the existing plan
fails, make a new one.
About the author
Omoruyi Uwuigiaren is a cartoonist and writer. When
he was a kid, he loved music and composed songs for his high school band. After
school, he wanted to pursue a career in music. Instead, he embraced writing and
studied Mass Communications.
New books to read right now:
Fake news around the dinner table
Where the Lilacs Bloom once again
THE HOPE RAISERS
BY NIHAR SUTHAR
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